maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
