Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
