Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
