i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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