What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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