He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
