some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I touched a dick in church today
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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