Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
