some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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