Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
