My hand turned me down
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
