Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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