i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
