Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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