Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
