Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
