Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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