who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
