At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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