I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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