Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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