I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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