your room smells of hookers.
And success
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
