I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize