I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
