hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
