I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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