she looked like the bat from fern gully.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
