i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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