It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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