one might say we're banned from that church
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
