I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
