i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i dont even know how to be here
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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