I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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