so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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