Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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