the condom got lost in my hair
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone came in the potted fern
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
