I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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