If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
