it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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