We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
