I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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