May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
