end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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