Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
