Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
