Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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