you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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