we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
