took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
