We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
