I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
