Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
