so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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