I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
