my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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