it was like his penis was on wheels.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
