I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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