My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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