Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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