3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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