you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
