We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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