God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
