Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
