This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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