You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
