He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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