Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
