Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
