I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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