Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
