Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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