so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
